Why Me???

On August 21st, I will be putting my U.S citizenship to full use and, against my will, and quite unenthusastically, will be participating half-heartedly in the American Justice system:

Jury duty.

I've tried and tried but cannot get out of it. Damn, and believe me, I conjured up in my mind an encyclopedia of excuses and reasons for which I could not perform this duty.

-I claimed I was 9 months pregant and due any hour. Didn't work.

- I claimed I had a spastic spinal cord and am unable to sit for lengthy periods of time sitting and waiting and waiting in a brown, pew-like bench next to a man wearing the most rancid of musky colognes. They wouldn't hear it.

-I claimed I am heavily allergic to the exposure of boredom on my restless mind and an outbreak would require immediate medical treatment. They seemed to care less.

They just would not have any of this, but I suggested the staff arrange for an ambulance to remain parked outside the courthouse, as well as for a trained counselor to be on call who specializes in accute dementia caused by extreme, intense, I-would-rather-hang-myself-from-that-American-flag-over-there-in-the-left-upper-corner-of-the-dusty-ceiling-than-be-here-right-now kind of boredom.

Why me???